


other minds

by rib14



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, s/o to olly philosophytube, there may or may not be more chapters? i've started another one but like. u know. adhd, this is some self-indulgent garbage huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 08:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16636856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rib14/pseuds/rib14
Summary: jace is a philosophy youtuber & addax is interested.





	other minds

**Author's Note:**

> hello i feel the need to do multiple disclaimers abt how this is literally the most self-indulgent bullshit bc for some reason i think that everyone else scrutinizes the writing of jace n addax as hard as i do. anyways enjoy the creation of my hellbrain that only cares abt lefttube & These Boys

“Hey Addax, do you know Panther Philosophy?”

Addax looks up from his laptop to see his friend and roommate Jamil leaning against the doorway of their apartment, phone in hand, looking at him. “Should I?”

Jamil looks back at whatever’s on her phone. “Not sure. It’s some youtube channel that talks about philosophy. Run by a guy named Jace Rethal, he’s working towards a PhD. The Herald  _ just _ told me I’m interviewing him tomorrow,” she says, rolling her eyes. “So now I have to watch some of his videos an—”

“—and you want me to watch them with you? Sure.” Addax gestures her to sit next to him on the couch.

Jamil smiles and sits down. “Thanks.” She takes the computer from Addax’s lap and navigates to the Panther Philosophy channel, scrolling through his most recent videos. “Oh my god, he has a whole series on that show Aria was almost cast in, that’s so funny,” she says, clicking on the video titled “The Philosophy of Hieron Episode 1: Confronting The Absurd”.

“Hey guys, I’ve been wanting to start this series for a while now, because Hieron is like my favorite anime,” The video begins, featuring a kid with blonde curly hair and a somewhat shy demeanor in his early 20s against the background of a bookshelf. The video quality is only okay, but this video is almost two years old; judging from the more recent thumbnails he seems to have upgraded his camera since then. Oh, and he’s really cute. Not that it matters to Addax or anything.

The video is about ten minutes and the kid goes on about some anime Addax has never seen and how the something—the Dark? The Dark Heat?—is similar to having an existential crisis. Or something. They watch the next few in the series, a timeline in fast forward as the lighting, sound, and visuals progressively get better and he continues to discuss the various philosophical themes present in this show that seems impressively complicated, though Addax doesn’t watch too much TV, so it might be commonplace to have a ghost pirate subplot that apparently relates to imperialism and a separate subplot that explicitly tackles racism and cultural appropriation in relation to colonialism. 

“Alright, I think that’s enough research for today,” Jamil says, 45 minutes later. She hands the computer back to Addax. “I’m gonna write up some questions. And uh, he’s gonna be here around one tomorrow? I know you’ll be at work but...I should tell Nat too.”

“Isn’t she studying for a quantum mechanics exam? I don’t think she’s leaving her room for the next few days.”

Jamil snorts. “True.”

 

The next day, Addax comes home to a man from the internet sitting on his couch. He’s got blonde curls and bright eyes and he’s chatting with Jamil like they’re old friends. Addax’s heart skips a beat. Coincidentally.

The man—Jace, Addax remembers—notices him walk in and stands up. “Hi, I’m Jace.” He holds out his hand. Addax takes it. “Addax.”

“He’s the one I was telling you about who watched your videos with me yesterday.” Jamil chimes in, standing up to join them and lean her elbow on Addax’s shoulder.

Jace’s grin falters. “Oh. Uh.”

“No, uh, they were good. Really interesting,” Addax pauses, realizing he sounds like he’s lying. “There was a lot of stuff I’d never really thought about before.”

Jace smiles again, looking down at his feet. “Oh. Yeah. Thanks.”

Jamil pretends to collapse onto Addax while sighing dramatically. “Jace, you can be mean to him, okay?”

“What?”

Jace scratches the back of his neck. “Oh, uh. From what Jamil’s told me about you, you’re just like, a liberal.”

Those words feel like a punch in the gut to Addax, even though he has no idea why. “I—uh. Is that bad? I like democracy?”

Jace laughs. “Oh man, you should meet my friend Sokrates. They’d chew you out.”

“Who?”

“Oh, they make videos too. Fishbomberguy?”

Jamil perks up. “Oh my god, my friend showed me one of their videos. They did the response to that Rose guy’s speech, right? That was great.”

“Yep, that was them. I still can’t believe they let that ass speak at Memorial Square.” Jace says, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t know, my friend seems to like his ideas.”

Jace sighs. “It’s a whole thing… leftists… you know.” He shrugs. “Sokrates would know better than me.”

“Sounds complicated,” Addax chimes in. He’s never been good at complicated.

Jace shrugs again. “Yeah, I just try to be informed, you know? You’re never gonna learn everything, or agree with everyone, but there are times when that’s okay and times when one opinion is harming other people’s. And I’m not really sure which one Rose is, honestly.” He’s slipped into the cadence he uses for his videos by the end. It’s cute.

Addax nods, at a loss for what to add. He looks to Jamil for help, and she stands up, walking over to the two of them and putting her hand on Jace’s shoulder.

“Anyways, Jace, I’ve kept you long enough. You have philosophy to explain, I have an article about you to write, Addax has his super secret spy stuff to do—”

At that, Addax rolls his eyes. “I’m not a  _ spy _ , Jamil.” He turns to address Jace. “I work testing technology at the company our other roommate is an intern at. She got me the job. And it’s not secret, it just sometimes involves confidential government tec—”

“Yeah, whatever you say, superspy.”

Addax sighs. Jace laughs.

“But we should hang out some other time.”

Jace nods. “Totally!” He laughs, “And I can show you guys Hieron, so you’ll have a true appreciation for the art that it is.”

“I look forward to it.”

Jace smiles at the two of them, shakes their hands, thanks Jamil, tells Addax it was nice to meet him, oh and you too Jamil, obviously, it was nice meeting you too, uh sorry I’ll go now, but really it’s been nice, and Jamil walks him out the door. She comes back up a few minutes later, plops back on the couch, and opens her laptop. 

“He was nice,” Addax says.

“Yeah. He’s great.” She starts typing, then pauses. “Oh, and I know you’ve got a crush. It’s adorable.”

“What?”

“Oh c’mon Addax. It’s cute, it’s fine. I’ve just never seen you get like that.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Jamil sighs, focused now on her computer screen. “Alright, whatever you say.”

 

A few weeks pass with no word from Jace, which makes sense. Obviously. Why would Addax even expect him to reach out to some random person who didn’t understand his career? It doesn’t matter. Addax has only been watching the entirety of his youtube channel because he wants to educate himself. It’s _ interesting _ , okay? He only hasn’t told Jamil or Nat that he’s been watching all those videos because they would make fun of him and he doesn’t want to deal with that. He’s not  _ embarrassed. _

The videos are really interesting, though. Addax had always thought of himself as an introspective person, he’s been known to spend long stretches of time just staring into space, thinking. But all of that introspection has always been so, well, he doesn’t quite know. Personal. Grounded. And then there’s Jace, head in the clouds, thinking about  _ everything, all the time _ . There are so many different perspectives and ways to think about existence that it makes Addax’s head spin. It feels paralyzing. And Jace just—goddamn, he wants to  _ understand  _ all of it. It’s amazing.

He also encounters Sokrates Artemisios for the first time, in a video collaboration they did with Jace about utilitarianism. They seem nice enough, if highly critical of the idea that sacrificing one person for the sake of the happiness of the many is ever a good idea, which Addax isn’t sure he agrees with.

And maybe Addax does eventually find Jace’s twitter (@the_panther, display name Jace, Candidate of Philosophy) through his youtube channel, and maybe he makes a twitter account just to message him and ask for his number. And maybe Jamil makes fun of him when she finds out. That doesn’t mean anything, not even the fact that he spent half an hour staring at an empty text box trying to figure out a way to message him that didn’t sound creepy or weird. It’s fine. They’ve been texting, and Jace is really sweet. They’ve mostly been talking about Jace’s PhD dissertation, which he’s terribly anxious and indescribably excited about at the same time. It’s about overcoming the limits of human consciousness, and a bunch of other complicated philosophical stuff that Jace tries to explain with normal human words, and it makes Addax smile every time that grey bubble that says he’s typing stays up for a long time and he knows he’s trying to write a sentence that Addax can understand. As they talk more, Jace’s punctuation changes from incredibly formal with capitals and punctuation to lowercase with more exclamation points than Addax has ever seen a person use, and it’s the most adorable thing.

“Oh, hey Addax, watching more of Jace’s videos?” Jamil is in the doorway of his room, looking in at Addax at his desk, watching more of Jace’s videos. Before Addax can even try to defend himself, she continues. “I forgot to tell you, I had lunch with Aria today. Turns out she’s like, a huge fan of Panther Philosophy? She’s been watching Jace’s stuff since forever. She was kinda pissed at me for not telling her about the interview earlier.”  
“Huh.”  
“Yeah, small world right? And you know she’s dating that girl almost robbed me, right?”

“Still? You didn’t seem to think it would last.”  
“I—” She pauses, sighing. “It’s weird. I’m not gonna be mean anymore, she seems like a nice person. She was just in a weird situation. They really love each other.”

“That is still the most absurd way to date someone ever.”  
“Tell me about it. At least she’s better than Paisley.”

“Fair.”

“Alright, I’ll leave to pining over your crush.” Jamil says, with a sing-song voice punctuating the last word, and Addax can’t see her but he knows she’s smiling with pride at herself.

“He is not—you know what, I’m not even going to engage with this, alright?”

“Okay, whatever you say.” She sings, and Addax hears footsteps walking away.

 

“I hear you’re in love with a youtuber,” Natalya says to Addax the next morning, as they’re both in the kitchen while Addax is eating breakfast.

“God, not you too, Nat. I thought we had solidarity! Come on.”

“Dawn, I am an engineering graduate student who is also working as an intern in an incredibly demanding job, I’m getting very little sleep, I deserve to make fun of you. Can I just have this one thing?”

“That bad, huh?”

Nat doesn’t answer the question, but her dark circles speak for themselves. She grabs a granola bar from the cabinet and puts it in her backpack. “If Lena Sharapova is found dead somewhere in EveningTech HQ, you’ll cover for me, right?”

“Of course.”

A pause, then Nat checks her watch. “Fuck. I’m gonna be late. Tell your boyfriend he’s fighting the good fight against capitalism, which sucks, bye.” She runs out of the kitchen.

“He’s not—” Addax starts to call out, then a door slams. He sighs, and checks his phone. 

 

A few days later, Jace texts him and asks if he wants to come over to his apartment that Friday to watch Hieron. Jamil can come too, obviously.

Addax says he’d love to, then asks Jamil if she’s free. Apparently she already has plans; Aria’s girlfriend’s ex has moved back to the city and it’s been a little weird between them and she needs a girls’ night with her best friend. “Have fun, though.” Jamil says, and winks. 

Addax isn’t sure what she’s implying.

 

It’s Friday, and Addax is at Jace’s apartment. He’s buzzed in, walks up the stairs, and knocks on the door, ignoring his heart speeding up as he thinks about Jace is about to open it and be in front of him. A few moments later, the door opens and—hold on, that’s not Jace. Standing in front of Addax with a vaguely judgemental expression on her face is a woman, just taller than Addax, with dark skin and short brown hair. “Hi, I—”

“You must be Addax,” the woman says, smirking.

“Uh. Yes. Hi. Who are you?”

“Tea Kenridge,” she holds out her hand. “Jace is my best friend, and roommate.”

“Oh. Nice to meet you.”

“You too. Jace should be here any second, he’s probably stressing about his thesis or a video script or something. Come in.” she gestures Addax into the apartment, which is fairly bare, with a small kitchen on one side and a couch and TV on the other. “Oh, and don’t worry,” Tea says, in a fake whisper, “I’m not gonna intrude on you too. I’ve got a date of my own, actually.”

Just then, Jace bursts into the room. “Hey, Addax, sorry, I got kinda absorbed in this thing and, I lost track of time, uh, yeah.” He pauses, collecting himself. “I see you’ve met Tea.”

Addax nods. “Hey. You’re good.”

Tea flicks her eyes between the two of them, then walks to the front door and opens it. “Alright, have fun you crazy kids. I’m meeting a girl for dinner.”

“The Fairchild one?” Jace asks.

“Nah, she used to work there. She’s somewhere else now, not sure if she told me.”

“Oh. Well, have fun!”

Tea salutes to Jace, nods at Addax, then steps through the door and closes it behind her.

A beat of silence, and Jace takes a breath in. “So. Uh. Do you wanna start with Autumn or Marielda?”

“What?”

“Oh, okay, so there’s this mini season in between Autumn and Winter, and,” Jace’s eyes light up at the chance to talk about this show he obviously loves, and Addax feels some kind of warmth spread through his body, like Jace is emanating joy and love and—fuck. It’s the smallest thing, but it breaks like a dam in him. Maybe Jamil was right. Goddamnit.

“—but really in the end I think it’s better to have that context, you know?” Jace finishes, unaware of Addax’s sudden realization that he was incredibly fucked. “So, which one?”

“Uh, whichever you think is better is fine with me.”

Jace smiles. “Awesome. Autumn it is.”

Jace sets up the TV while Addax sits down on the couch, where Jace joins him as the title sequence plays. Their legs are just barely touching, which is probably the worst possible position for Addax’s current state, but he can’t move because that would be weird, so he’s stuck in this particular hell. The show starts with some shots of a tower on an island and a far too long scene of characters contemplating how to go from their boat to the island, and Jace interjects with commentary and promises that it gets more exciting than this, he swears.

A few episodes and a fight over a magic book later, Jace’s head is resting on Addax’s shoulder. It’s fine.  _ It’s fine _ . Apparently Jace’s favorite character in the season was mentioned in that arc but he doesn’t show up until the end of the season. Addax thinks he likes Hadrian. Or maybe hates Hadrian. Jace says that seems in character for him, which Addax can’t tell if he means as a compliment or an insult.

They watch a few more episodes, Jace leaning on Addax and Addax feeling like he’s about to burst. There are ghost pirates, and Jace points out the bird that is the inspiration for his social media handles.

“Panther is a  _ bird _ ?”

“Yep. They’re really cool.”

Addax snorts. “Of course you would like an animal with the same name as a completely different real animal. Is that like, your own little postmodernist commentary, about animals out of context, or something?”

Jace laughs, and it’s the most beautiful thing Addax has ever heard. “You know me too well, Addax. I mean, I’ve just thought those birds were super cool since I was a kid, but, yeah… uh, actually—” He pauses, and pauses the show. “I’ve always just really liked the idea of being able to split into pieces, you know? Those birds are all part of the same consciousness, but they’re all experiencing the world in slightly different ways. I’ve always liked the idea of being able to experience the world from more than one perspective, or more than one time? It’s an anxiety thing… and an ADHD thing, probably a trans thing too… I, like, am really prone to hyperfixating on my regrets and anxieties and playing them over and over again in my head, you know? Imagining everything from different perspectives, trying to figure out some ultimate truth that I know doesn’t exist. And I try to be more aware of it and stop myself before it gets too bad now that I know it’s a thing I do but…” he sighs. “Sorry. That was a tangent. You didn’t need to hear that.”

“No, it’s okay. This is obviously really important to you.” Addax takes Jace’s hand in his before he can even think about what he’s doing.

Jace squeezes his hand. “Yeah. Thank you.”

Addax squeezes back. (It’s  _ fine _ ).

“Um, but I guess I like the panther as a symbol of myself and also the goal of my channel to portray philosophical issues in different ways than people are used to.”

“That’s really great.”

Jace hits play, and a pirate named Emmanuel is introduced, who from Jace’s reaction seems important, though right now he just seems to be swordfighting with Le—oh, it’s a romantic thing. Okay. That explains Jace squeezing his hand tight whenever the two of them are on screen together. And maybe there’s another romantic thing causing that as well? Addax has no goddamn clue. Jace doesn’t let go of his hand the whole rest of the time they watch the season. 

They finish Autumn in Hieron and it’s almost midnight. Hadrian died and then came back to life. A city was invaded to spread a curse of undeath throughout the continent. They’re both tired. Addax awkwardly lets go of Jace’s hand as they stand up and stretch after sitting for so long.

“You can stay here for the night, you know, if you want,” Jace offers.

Addax looks down, his cheeks getting hot. 

Jace’s eyes go wide. “No, wait, I—I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just like, it’s late and—.” He inhales nervously.

And in a split second, brought on by the time of night or the weirdness of the show they just watched, Addax doesn’t know, he decides to take a chance. “Can I kiss you?”

Jace snaps out of his nervous energy immediately, looks up at Addax in shock. Then he smiles, nodding. “Yeah.”

Addax tilts Jace’s chin up and leans down as Jace pushes himself up on his toes. The kiss isn’t perfect, they knock noses before they get the angle right, but it makes Addax feel like a million bolts of lightning are hitting him at once. Jace wraps his arms around Addax’s neck and kisses him again, smiling into it.  _ Scratch that, kissing Jace can’t be anything but perfect _ , Addax would’ve thought if he had the ability to think. Jace’s arms pull him back down onto the couch, and Addax gladly follows.

And what can he say, it  _ is _ late. No one can blame him for staying the night.

**Author's Note:**

> if u wanna talk abt how addax's arc in the kingdom game is abt how easily liberalism can fall to fascism during crisis, hmu on twitter @jaceaddax


End file.
